Expat Life = Isolation?

 I might be sticking my foot in it, but I’m going to say it anyway: sometimes, being an expat is a little isolating.

There. 

(Actually, sometimes it’s not only a little isolating, but very isolating.)

It’s not just that you’re far away from your own home country, your own culture, your family and your friends. It’s not just that you’re living in a place that is so different, that you miss the nuances and possibly offend someone. Completely on accident. Just because of cultural differences. (That’s a whole other post.)

And it’s not that you don’t make friends, either. Because you do. And I have. I’m lucky. I’ve met incredibly talented, creative, passionate, inspiring, kind people. I get to spend time with them doing super cool things like writing and sharing books and being part of entrepreneurial adventures.

But if you travel around in the development expat bubble, you quickly realize it’s a small bubble. A very small one. It’s surprising how many people know each other or of each other.

It’s not just six degrees of separation. It’s usually one. Or two.  Often, you hear that XYZ who used to work for ABC organization in LMN country with so and so is now here in Myanmar. Here’s an example: my husband knows at least four other expats in Myanmar (and there’s not tons of us here) who all worked pretty much together in a West African country many years ago. 

That can be comforting.  Sometimes it can feel strange, too; especially if you weren’t part of that life/world. 

It can also make it difficult to talk about difficult things…

…Because what if so and so who knows so and so hears about this difficult thing. Will that impact so and so’s friendships, relationship, work, reputation? The bubble is super small. So, uh, super-silence super powers are needed at times. 

Editing yourself isn't limited to discussing difficult issues. It's equally necessary to be careful sharing information about any other expat (gossip). We all know gossiping isn't nice. Grown-ups do gossip though. And when you're living in a very small bubble, it's best to be careful.I'm sure some of you living in small towns deal with the same sort of thing, right?

Enter: unspoken-boundaries-of-how-much-you-can-share-with-other-expats. Enter: isolation. Sometimes. Not always.

So, you’re gonna need to reach out to those you can talk to, right?

Well, this is Myanmar. Which means it’s not always easy connecting with people back home.  Maybe the internet is down. Or maybe the time difference makes it really hard. Or maybe it’s something you don’t want to write in an email. Or maybe you can’t finish a proper conversation on Skype because it keeps getting disconnected.

So what to do?

When we lived in other countries, I didn’t know how to work around this and felt isolated most of the time.  In Kenya, we weren’t part of the expat bubble, so I felt a bit more free to share. And I did when I needed to.

How to get around it now?

Creative outlets. All those things I might want to say (like, how sometimes it’s isolating being an expat!), I can write. I can paint.  Somehow, I get whatever is bothering me out of my head so I can move on.

Let's face it: sometimes things that are troubling us aren't as horrible as they seem...as long as you can express it in some way. It's keeping things bottled up that hurts us.

The great thing about using a creative outlet is I can express the essence of how I’m feeling without exposing myself too much.  I get to explore ways of communicating raw emotion without being too vulnerable, without spilling all the beans.

Isolation becomes a creative challenge.  And then, it gets fun! (But maybe I’m a bit of a masochist.)

So, I’m learning to harness some of these feelings and put them in a new place. On paper. And let them take their own course from there.