Monday, September 17, 2012

Dreams


Our first day of Flying Lessons, the ecourse run by mixed media artist, Kelly Rae Roberts, started yesterday.  We were encouraged to journal about our dreams. And we were told to be brave and dream big. 

This is scary for me. It's hard for me to dream. I've sort of blocked myself from doing that for years. Suppose I'm scared of disappointment. Of failing. Of wanting something so much, it hurts and it's all you can think about, only to have it just.not.work.out.  

Clearly, that's happened to me before.  I mean, who HASN'T it happened to?  But I know I haven't quite stood up all the way from that first great big disappointment.  Haven't brushed all the dirt off my knees.  Some of that mud and grit still stays there, despite it being a LONNNGG time ago.  I TOTALLY need to get over myself already. 

I also need to give myself a little credit. Maybe I didn't have the skills to deal with big disappointments way back then. I do NOW though. I've had many, many other disappointments since the first great big one.  I know how to deal. I'm not a kid anymore.  And disappointments are part of life.

So why I am so scared still? 

I need to get a grip.

One of my best and dearest friends, K, mailed me the notebook and pen (pictured above) allll the way to Myanmar!  They're my favorite colors and I love it. (I even got the same one from my brother for my birthday! The people in my life sure know me. lol) 

I decided to use this notebook to write my dreams and goals and keep notes during this ecourse.  It helps that K wrote the below inspiring and lovely sticky note on the cover page. I just need to start believing it more.


So, this morning, I started writing.  It wasn't so scary after all.  I gave myself credit for already moving towards many of the things I want to do.  That felt good. I am setting goals and I'm completing them.  I'm already working towards those big goals.  And it's been EXCITING! 



I'm feeling grateful for the opportunity that living in Myanmar is giving me. We're in a very, very fortunate position: I don't have to work for us to make ends meet. I can spend time on my writing. Developing it more. Pursuing the goals I have set for myself. Working towards getting that children's picture book published. Work on becoming: a writer. 

 It'll happen...



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Location: Yangon, Burma

6 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2012 at 11:21 AM

    Awesome Becky :)

    Love you

    Dad

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    Replies
    1. Becky CavenderSeptember 17, 2012 at 7:20 PM

      Thanks, Dad!

      Thanks always reading the blog + making comments. :)

      Love you!

      Delete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 18, 2012 at 4:41 AM

    I am SO looking forward to hearing more of this journey - and hope you will share some of your writing .... if not I will be very suspicious ;)

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    1. Becky CavenderSeptember 18, 2012 at 9:02 AM

      Thanks, P! :)

      I'll tell you what - I suspiciously cannot come up with anything suspicious to write about! I might be empty handed tomorrow night!

      Delete
  3. JessicaSeptember 18, 2012 at 7:18 PM

    Becky, this is just beautiful writing, plain and simple. You have a clarity in your words. I've been thinking about how we need to be able to get back on the horse so to speak, after facing disappointments. One thing that you HAVE to learn is that labeling them disappointments or failures is the first step to a negative way of thought. Is there any way to go back to those "disappointments" and a) see something good that came of them and b) reframe them in a way? I'd urge you to sit back and be gentle with yourself, and your dreams, but when the urge to label a setback occurs, to notice it, and to give reframing a try. There's no harm, and actually a lot of potential, in just choosing to believe that this is a necessary and even helpful step in your journey. lots of kudos to you and your bravery for putting this out there.
    PS -- where might I find this notebook!!??

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    1. Becky CavenderSeptember 18, 2012 at 9:06 PM

      Hi Jessica -
      Thank you for stopping by the blog and reading! Also, thank you for your kind words.

      Your comments are giving me a lot to think about. I love that you asked if I can go back to those disappointments and reframe them. With one exception, I say: absolutely. So to that one that I am not-quite-so-sure about, I just need to dig a bit more. Scratch out the stuck part. Take a look. Flip it around.

      The notebook is fab, isn't it? I love it. I'm quite sure it was purchased from this indie bookstore:
      http://inklingsbookshop.com/. A guy called Adam is the manager and also purchases all gift items, like this beautiful notebook. I am sure if you emailed him - or I am also happy to email him! - then we can find out stockists. Sadly, the only mention in the notebook itself is "made in China" so I didn't have anything else to reference! adam@inklingsbookshop.com

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