Monday, September 17, 2012
Our first day of Flying Lessons, the ecourse run by mixed media artist, Kelly Rae Roberts, started yesterday. We were encouraged to journal about our dreams. And we were told to be brave and dream big.
This is scary for me. It's hard for me to dream. I've sort of blocked myself from doing that for years. Suppose I'm scared of disappointment. Of failing. Of wanting something so much, it hurts and it's all you can think about, only to have it just.not.work.out.
Clearly, that's happened to me before. I mean, who HASN'T it happened to? But I know I haven't quite stood up all the way from that first great big disappointment. Haven't brushed all the dirt off my knees. Some of that mud and grit still stays there, despite it being a LONNNGG time ago. I TOTALLY need to get over myself already.
I also need to give myself a little credit. Maybe I didn't have the skills to deal with big disappointments way back then. I do NOW though. I've had many, many other disappointments since the first great big one. I know how to deal. I'm not a kid anymore. And disappointments are part of life.
So why I am so scared still?
I need to get a grip.
One of my best and dearest friends, K, mailed me the notebook and pen (pictured above) allll the way to Myanmar! They're my favorite colors and I love it. (I even got the same one from my brother for my birthday! The people in my life sure know me. lol)
I decided to use this notebook to write my dreams and goals and keep notes during this ecourse. It helps that K wrote the below inspiring and lovely sticky note on the cover page. I just need to start believing it more.
So, this morning, I started writing. It wasn't so scary after all. I gave myself credit for already moving towards many of the things I want to do. That felt good. I am setting goals and I'm completing them. I'm already working towards those big goals. And it's been EXCITING!
I'm feeling grateful for the opportunity that living in Myanmar is giving me. We're in a very, very fortunate position: I don't have to work for us to make ends meet. I can spend time on my writing. Developing it more. Pursuing the goals I have set for myself. Working towards getting that children's picture book published. Work on becoming: a writer.