Thursday, September 19, 2013

All the Possibilities - Blog Circle Post



It’s easy to limit ourselves. We do it often, usually without even thinking. For many, it’s our default setting. Our auto-pilot. Anytime we think of taking a risk, of doing something that might scare us, or stretch us, or possibly cause discomfort (and perhaps great happiness!), we balk, cower and think, “Oh, hell no!”

I get it. Anti-risk is usually is my default and I have to take moments of quiet and reflection to get past fears and push through what could be waiting on the other side of that line – the line you cross when you open yourself up to possibilities. 

The thing about possibilities is that they seem to come at a risk. We could get hurt. We could find our destiny (and that might be scary). It might mean doing something that makes us face a phobia. We might fail. We might succeed … and why is it just as scary to succeed as it is to fail? 

A year ago, I joined a group of over 600 phenomenal women who took a creative business e-course by renowned artist, Kelly Rae Roberts. Kelly Rae calls herself a possibilitarian: A person who looks for possibilities, not limitations. This is brave; she inspires and encourages others to be brave, too.
As part of this month’s blog circle (because of moving back to the United States and The Divorce, I’ve slunk out of the last few months’ circles), the group decided to celebrate how we are seeing possibilities, how we’re pushing ourselves. 

Since September of last year, I’ve jumped. High. Far. Long. I have flown. I finally accepted that I’m a writer; I wrote a book and published it; I’ve made this blog successful and turned it into a resource for people moving to Myanmar; I’ve become a professional writer (earning my income writing) – magic happens when you declare who you are; I’ve interviewed several inspiring, incredible people. I lived in a mysterious, beautiful country. 

But what I think I’m most proud of is being brave enough to pack up and move home to the United States with my daughter after her dad said he no longer wanted to be married. In that sorrow – and that sorrow continues – I choose to see the possibility for good, for strength, for growth, for renewal. I see the possibility of finding a home in my own skin that I feel good about. I see the possibility of remaining a familial unit in a very untraditional way: a family in the sense that my daughter has parents who love her and who respect/care about each other, too … just not parents who are married to eachother. 

Don’t get me wrong: I get super scared sometimes and I’m still not exactly sure how all these pieces are going to fit together. I live in my home, I work from home, and I’m writing. My daughter has just found a new school that I think will suit her. I’ll figure out how to fit in my community, make my own mark. Over a year ago, I don’t think I would’ve had the faith and the conviction that things would work out. But they do. 

You might not know how it will turn out: Well, the truth is, you never – ever – know how something will turn out. You have to see the potential for beauty, though. Even in a failure. Even in a mistake. (Though I try not to believe in the word “mistake” much.) 

Occasionally we make choices that bring us pain. What I’ve learned, though, is that even in pain, there is possibility. There is a beautiful, messy lesson in there that will cut through the pain and bring you to face the sun. That makes it worth it. 

You learn about yourselves and others. You learn who you really are and you begin to stand firmly on your own two feet. And when you know you’ve got soft ground beneath you, you start to jump. Dive. Swim. Leap. Whatever. But you move. You get out. You try. You make an effort. 

And you believe that no matter what – no matter the success or the flat-on-your-face smashed-up hurt –  you’ll be OK. You’ll wipe the dirt off your knees and go for it again and again and again. Soon, you will look for possibilities and this view of the world will become your auto-pilot. Your new default.

Worst case scenario? You’ll have lots of material for writing good stories. 

I believe this with my whole heart and wish for you all the possibilities you can see. 

What are ways that you’re brave and seek out possibilities?

Next, please go check-out my flying sister, Lisa Ullrich, and her post about how she’s becoming a possibilitarian over here

P.S. If you want to know how things are shaping up over in the Pacific Northwest (USA) for my daughter and I, check-out my professional writing blog, Becky Cavender.

23 comments:

  1. Wonderful to meet you Becky, just over a year ago in Flying Lessons and to share so much in the months between. If I look back at the woman I met then, I would say she was generous, sincere and fun. Now I would add courageous and brave and inspirational too. It has been such a big year for you, I hope for a more peaceful, settling one to come. I look forward to sharing it with you too.

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    1. Suzi,
      Thank you. I'm so grateful we met just over a year ago also. :) Thank you for your sweet and kind words. :) Much love to you.

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  2. Hi Becky, I'm happy to have met you and all the other Flying Sisters. You've had a busy year, up and downs, but hopefully more ups. Wonderful you are able to work from home doing what you love. Here's to many more uplifting, successful years to come.

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    1. Thank you, Lisa. I'm so grateful to have met you online, too. ;)

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  3. What a beautiful post Becky, and I'm so happy you're seeing all the possibilities in your new life! I went over to your other blog and really enjoyed your words on past relationships. Squeezing you hard in my arms sister! xoxo Laly

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    1. Hi Laly! Thank you. ;)

      And thanks for popping over to the other blog. ;) Aww!

      Sending you lots of love, too.

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  4. Hi Becky, what a beautiful, honest and moving post. Choked me up :) You are so brave and I'm so happy that you're seeing the possibility in everything. Congratulations on your writing and publication! I really like what you say about pain - even in pain there is possibility. It's so true. Sometimes hard to be brave and go there to find out, but so incredibly true when you do. Sending lots of love your way. Thanks for sharing this post. xox

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Ginger. :) You're right - it is hard to "go there" and find the possibility in pain, that there can be beauty and lessons in there. I think the rewards are great though, and it helps us have more compassion/understanding.

      Thank you for reading!

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  5. yes Becky - you are a wonderful writer! I know this past year has brought alot of changes to you, some good, and some painful. I'm glad - very glad - to see you back (even though I sat this one out - I still read them!) I hope to continue seeing more and more of you and watching you grow - fly - and spread your wings!

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    1. Oh, Vickie, thank you for your compliment. I really appreciate it very much. Thank you. :) I'm glad to be back, too. :)

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  6. I am so proud of you! This year has thrown you for a loop and you are coming out on top! I love seeing all the amazing things my flying sisters are accomplishing <3

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  7. Becky, this is a wonderful , honest and inspiring post. I cant agree more with "even in pain, there is possibility".

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    1. Thank you, Naz!! :) So grateful to have taken the course with you.

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  8. Becky, you have triumphed over a very difficult circumstance. As you know, I can relate. I think that may just be a launching pad for another book! Triumph over Trial! I know you have things the world needs to hear. Just think how much courage you have shown your daughter. Thank you for your honesty, support and most of all friendship this past year.

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    1. Monica, your words just about made me cry. Thank you for your continued encouragement and support. I feel lucky/blessed. Thank you! <3 You've been through a lot, too. :) Thinking of you!

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  9. As always~beautifully written. I always love your blogs, Becky. It's a true honor knowing you and your words. I know you have gone through some huge life changes this past year and I love how you embrace it, move through it, and grow into even a bigger pair of wings. You are beautiful inside and out.

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  10. Because always~beautifully created. I usually adore your own weblogs, Becky. It is a accurate recognition understanding a person as well as your phrases. I understand you've experienced a few large existence modifications recently as well as I really like the way you accept this, undertake this, as well as develop in to a larger set of wings. You're stunning within as well as away.



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