Thursday, August 23, 2012

Belongings

Source of photograph from here.  Photography credits to TJ Mullinax/Yakima Herald Republic

"Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure."

                                                                                            - Rumi


I'm not really sure where to begin.  Do I start with giving some advice, sharing our hard lesson learned?  Perhaps it begins with the official notice that we would be moving to Myanmar.  No. That's going too far back.  Maybe it's the point when we were making mental - then physical - lists of "what's to go" and "what's to stay" before packing up. Yes. I think it starts there.

How do you decide what to leave behind, to store in safety, when moving across continents?  Do you take all your most prized possessions to the new country, to keep them near you, or do you pack them up into neat little boxes and open them at a later time.

We chose to take what we "must" to be comfortable in Myanmar. All our daughter's toys.  Much of our furniture.  Most of our belongings.  Special books I've carried with me across four continents and five countries (they've traveled more than some people). They came along this time, too.

Yangon used to be a tropical rainforest. I mean, it still is a tropical rainforest, just with a city built on top of it. Nature takes over quickly, though, and is not tamed by cement and motors. It's a humid place. Mold rapidly grows and we worried about it destroying baby books, antique furniture, precious family heirlooms, our daughter's ultrasound pictures.

Those belongings with the greatest sentimental value - those that we would cry and mourn for if ruined - we left at home. The storage unit was a warehouse and the owner boasted of its safety and how the military housed items there, so security was tight. I felt secure and confident trusting my great-grandmother's dishes and jewelery to them.

We figured the greatest risk would be if the container blew up or sank for some reason.  We insured our air and boat shipments to Myanmar. After all, they were the more necessary items. And, thankfully, they arrived unscathed.

We did not insure our storage belongings.



A few weeks ago, there was a fire. Nearly all of the warehouse burnt down, with the exception of a newer addition which had a firewall and sprinklers.  It appears our things were not in that part of the building.

Lesson to share with others: insure your storage belongings.  And make very, very detailed lists of your inventory (don't rely on what the packers document).  Take photographs of things.

The owners of the storage facility still have not been able to identify our unit. It appears extremely likely our most valued, most sentimental possessions have burned.

I am angry. With myself, mostly. Why, for the first time ever, did I just not take everything How could I have left behind my pregnancy journal which even included the positive pregnancy test (the actual test, not the results: the pee stick thingy!) in it. I meticulously wrote to my daughter, who was yet born, about everything.

How could I have left over 20 years' worth of: letters; cards from my beloved, deceased grandmother; notes passed in middle school; Valentine's Day cards given in primary school; printed out emails and love letters from my husband.  What was I thinking?

My husband. His father died when he was young. Only recently, his mother gave him original photographs of his dad. Those were in the fire. My daughter hasn't even seen pictures of her paternal grandfather, and yes, she wanted to.

I am very sentimental.  I do not care so much about the toaster, the washer and the dryer, or any of that. We can buy new ones.  I cannot get back the beautiful pine, curved, antique bureau and dresser that belonged to my family for generations. I cannot get back the old, oak rocking chair that was passed on to me.  There's no reclaiming our wedding album or my baby book with pieces of my baby hair. It had pictures of my great-grandmother holding me.

I am sad. I feel like I've destroyed, with a single decision, part of our family history that was entrusted to me.  I feel like it was my responsibility and I let down future generations.  Does that sound dramatic?  It's not that they're material possessions. It's that they are the part of the story

I keep stories close to me.  I'm good at it.  It was even my career for years: I was trusted to keep others' secrets, to honor them.  I gathered them.  Kept them safe.

My grandfather, who has died, would spend hours explaining who my ancestors were in the old, framed photographs. I listened with earnest. I wanted those photos. I wanted to keep their stories alive. I knew, even as a small child, that those stories were inside me. Helped make me who I was. Who I am.

Do I owe them an apology?  Tell them, "Hey, look.  I messed-up.  I'm sorry.  I should never have let anyone else take care of our history."  Should I apologize for moving again?  For taking the risk?

Maybe none of it would've happened had we just.stayed.home.  (Of course, it certainly could've happened.  It happens! It happens to so, so many people.  This time, no one was hurt.)  Still, call me crazy: I feel guilty, as though I have let my family down. 

There's a possibility that tangible items will be recovered from the fire. If so, I hope to find them. Piece them back together. Perhaps some wood is left. We could make something with it.

The husband thinks this likelihood is very slim.  He also thinks I would find it very distressing to fly home, sift through rubble, not find anything.

He doesn't want me to cry. It's too late for that.

I need to take something from this fire, something to hold on to. Something that tells me the stories are not lost.

I'm banking on Rumi being right: "where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure."

 

15 comments:

  1. gail patricia willmottAugust 24, 2012 at 1:26 AM

    I feel so so sad Becky, this is awful, beyond awful. The optimist in me kept thinking it's a storage company, most things will be saved - I wish I could be there to do anything although nothing could help right now apart from a big hug. x

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    1. Hi Gail,
      Thanks so much for your thoughts. I'm hoping, too, that there is something left from the rubble. We shall see. Thank you! And thanks, also, for the comment on FB. I am very grateful you have some photos that were probably destroyed in the fire. That will mean a lot to C.

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  2. Oh Becky, I am so sorry. I wish I was there to cry with you. Love you.

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  3. Oh Becky, I am so very sorry. Please let me know if you need someone to sift through when the find yours. I'd be happy to. I would cry with you too. xoxo

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    1. Thanks, Kina. The firefighters put the debris in a huge pile. Everyone's things are mixed together. I think it might be difficult for anyone to identify our things, except perhaps C and I. I'm just waiting to find out what *sort* of items are in the "possible to salvage" pile. C feels they might only be items like large, metal appliances. Things that wouldn't burn easily. I'm hoping that there may be dishes or - though pie in the sky - even part of a photo album. If there are things that are being recovered that aren't just fridges, then I might fly home and go through the pile. We will see. It depends on many factors.

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  4. You have every right to your feelings right now. That is no small loss- to any person. Especially as an adult and a parent.
    (the list is too long, but I've lost baby books, etc. before and there is NO replacing the words written, locks of hair, etc.)
    Please just try not to feel that ugly guilt of letting others or yourself down. Please. Like you said, this could have happened at home, to anyone, at any time. You made the best choices for you, did your homework on the unit. You couldn't have done anything more. Sincerely.
    Big hugs from Yakima,
    Kristy

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    1. Hi Krissy Mae,
      Thank you for reading the blog and for taking the time to comment. How kind of you!

      I am grateful for your words. And you're right: it could've happened to anyone. Sadly, so many people were impacted by this particular fire. It is sad for everyone. It's sad, too, for the owners.

      Thanks again for stopping by and reading! Nice to see a new face on here from home. :-)

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  5. Hey Becky, just read your wonderful blogs and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of the sentimental items, I know how that must feel.
    Dishal

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    1. Hi Dishal,
      Thank you very much for all your kind words. And thanks for reading the blog!

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  6. I'm so sorry Becky that you have this loss and heartache. I know there will be treasure, maybe a different sort of treasure, but treasure just the same. You, of all people, will find it through all of the devastation. Blessings to you.
    Danee'

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    1. Danee,
      Thank you. I am grateful to hear that today. Perhaps we'll just have to create new treasure.

      Thank you for your kind words, and for reading the blog!
      Hugs!

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  7. Becky, you are a GREAT writer. And this story is so tragic. What a loss. I'm so sorry.

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    1. Thanks, Kimmi! <3

      It's been pretty sad, but I know it could've been worse. We could've left more belongings in storage than we had. Our house could've burned down. Someone could've been hurt.

      Thank you for your thoughts, though. Very appreciated!

      Love you.

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  8. Oh Becky, I feel so sad for you and all that your family has lost in this fire. Hugs. xo

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